Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Randomize
