Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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