How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Randomize
