I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
