im about as happy as oj after his trial
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
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