I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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