areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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