Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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