I can feel you judging me through the phone.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
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