Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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