that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
