Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
