Since when is my name a synonym for head?
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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