Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
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