I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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