After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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