"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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