and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Randomize
