I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
