Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
