Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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