I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
seriously i just wanna be friends
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Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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