i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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