ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
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