All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize