My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
