I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
