having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
