Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
