You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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