apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
