There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Randomize
