Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
