He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
