thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
