I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
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His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
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My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Someone signed my nipple.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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