I faked an abortion last night.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
