It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
