I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
