i think i have two assholes
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
