So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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