dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize