$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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