My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
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