hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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