He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize