3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
