1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
