I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Randomize
