The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Randomize
