Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
my poor anus
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
