I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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