Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
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