he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
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