There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize